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Importance of Survival Skills



-Brains. Brains–
-Shut up! We’re reporting live on how an Emo-haired
loser and bowl-haired reject… ..managed to get so many
views on their stupid videos, -right here in this–
-(zombie yells) (reporter screams) (more shrieking) Man, I wanted to make fun of
of those stupid-haired losers. (bell rings) No, we don’t want any more
Boy Scout crackers, okay? (zombies growl) (both scream) Great Zeus’ butt hole!
What do we do, man?! Uh…oh! Alrighty, um. Chapter one on
How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse. (groans) TLDR, dude. I’m bored! Where’s the pictures?
Get to the pictures. Uh…there are none! What? A book without pictures?! What kind of frickin’ book is that?! (zombie growls) Uh, yeah! Give us a second, god! Some people have no frickin’ patience. Okay, so we just need to think. What did they do inThe Walking Dead? Uh…let’s see. They sat around
a barn for an entire season, searching for a completely
random, useless character? Oh my god. That was so annoying, right?! I mean, if I hear, “Sophia! Sophia!” one more time, I’m going to use this on myself. What the hell, man?!
You’ve had this gun the whole time? Oh, yeah. I took this
from Stevie’s zombie survival kit. He’s probably totally dead now. It’s okay. It’s okay. I got gun in my trusty zombie survival kit! Oh crap! (Stevie screams) Give me that! (zombies growl) Hey, zombies! Don’t lose your “heads”. (repetitive gun shots) -(zombies growl angrily)
-(Anthony screams) Dude, you didn’t hit a single one! It’s a lot harder than they make
it look inThe Walking Dead. Give me that! I think it’s time we got… “ahead” of this problem. (repetitive gun shots) Dude, you didn’t hit any of them either. No, no, no, look! I got that guy’s pointer finger! Yeah, but you didn’t kill any of them. Okay, I think you’re missing “the point”. (both chuckle)
-No, no, no. (repetitive pounding on door) Oh! Dude, we could just use the car! Duh! (zombies yell) Dude, were they doing our laundry in there?! Hey! You better not be using my fabric softeners! I only have, like, five left! You stupid zombies! Do you have any ideas of your own?! Okay, man. This is officially
the stupidest idea you’ve ever had. Oh, really? Stupidest idea? More like the best frickin’ idea
that’s ever been invented by humankind! -Oh! Yeah!
-(together) Yeah! (together) Suck it! (laughter) -Wait…dude. One’s getting through.
-They’re…learning! Quick, give me another treadmill! Uh, okay. Yeah, sure. Let me just go down to the basement
and get one of my emergency treadmills! -You have that?!
-F*ck, no! We don’t even have a basement, idiot! (both scream) What are we going to do, man?! I’ve done everything I can think of! Get a hold of yourself! Maybe we’re just misunderstanding the zombies. I mean, yeah, their main goal is to eat our brains, but at least they have dreams
they’re working to achieve. Unlike me and my dream
of touching Jessica Alba’s left boob. Why are you acting so weird? What do you mean? I’m being a completely normal human being. (gasp) Human being! That word kind of sounds like bean. Beans are legumes. Legumes has the word “leg” in it. Ian’s mom has really nice legs. And Ian’s mom is so old she’s practically dead. Which can only mean one thing: Oh my Bieber! You’re becoming a zombie! Aw, and I would have gotten away
with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids! What kids? There’s no kids here. I dunno. I just thought
that was what they always said. Wait…when did you become infected? Well…do you remember that one time
way, way, way back when, five minutes ago? (Anthony sobs) What?! I got hungry! Sorry, man, but looks like I’m going
to have to “Old Yeller” your ass. Wait. You’ve had that the whole time?! Yeah, why? I stole it from Stevie’s
back-up survival zombie kit. (Stevie yells) Good thing I’ve got
my back-up zombie survival kit! Seriously?! (screams) Sorry, man. Wait, wait! Think about this. We could be best friends…forever. What the hell are you talking about–oh! (together) Yeah! F*ck off, Stevie! You’re ruining our epic high-5. Yeah! This is a zombie speaking. To see behind-the-scenes footage and bloopers… They’re probably totally eating his ass now. Eating his ass. No. (everyone laughs) Click the video right here. One, two, three. (clap) Five, six, seven. (clap) -Brains.
-Brains. -I want brains!
-I want Jessica Alba’s left boob! I mean, what?

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