ew What do you think today’s adventure is gonna be? I’m hoping for a wild animal attack! We just had one of those last week. At this point, it’s more out of the ordinary
when nobody gets mauled. Oh. Yeah. Did Space Kid live? I can’t remember. I guess it wasn’t THAT big of an adventure
if nobody died. I’ll live on in all of your hearts! I saw Nurf trying to learn how to play
a broken xylophone yesterday. That’s bound to go somewhere. yep You don’t understand!
The A-sharp bar is missing! How I’m supposed to play anything in D-minor?! The saddest of all keys. That’s a bit more promising. I’ve been charting adventures over the last few weeks
to see if I can find a pattern and if I’m reading things right, we could be looking at a Scooby-Doo-like murder mystery, a love quadrangle or an accidental wire tap confession. All that sounds lame as hell, and weirdly specific. When will something interesting happen? ~UWU~ Hey Ered, your shirt’s on inside out. Nikki being gay. Oh, that’s weird. Uhh. Aaauh! ~Ew.2~ Wow, Ered. That was…an uncool thing, you just did. Ered did something uncool! Ha ha! ~snort~ Ha ha! Way to go, Spuddy! Ha ha! Ha! ~Quartermaster adds to the mock laughs~ ~uncool moan~ Now THAT is interesting! ♪♪ Ohhhhh ♪♪ ♪ There’s a place I know that’s tucked away ♪ ♪ A place where you and I can stay ♪ ♪ Where we can go to laugh and play ♪ ♪ And have adventures every day ♪ ♪ I know it sounds hard to believe,
but guys and gals it’s true ♪ ♪ Camp Campbell is the place for me and you ♪ ♪ We’ll swim through lakes and climb up trees ♪ ♪ Catch fish, bugs, bears, and honeybees ♪ ♪ There’s endless possibilities ♪ ♪ And no, that’s not hyperbole ♪ ♪ Our motto’s “Campe Diem”, and that means I’m telling yoooooooou ♪ ♪ We’ve got archery, hiking, search and rescue, biking ♪ ♪ Horseback,
training that’ll save you from a heart attack ♪ ♪ Scuba diving, miming ♪ ♪ Football, limbo, science, stunting ♪ ♪ Pre-Calc, spaceships, treasure hunting ♪ ♪ Bomb defusal, no refusal ♪ ♪ Fantasy, circus trapeze ♪ ♪ And fights, and ghosts, and paints, and snakes ♪ ♪ And knives, and chess, and dance, and weights ♪ ♪♪ It’s Camp Camp ♪♪ I can’t believe this happen to Ered. What’s taking so long?!
Do you think she’ll be okay?! Modern medicines come a long way, Nikki. I’m sure she’ll be fine. Assuming anything in that cabin is modern. We’re probably getting asbestos poisoning just talking about it. What?! I’m going to get her out of there and transfer her to a different care facility. It’s not her time, damn it, it’s not her time! [Nikki is being real gay ] Why hello, concerned campers. How’s Ered? Do you require
additional cleric spells? Wow! I didn’t think you guys would be so concerned about Ered’s sprained ankle. That is very kind of you all. Yeah, even I’m impressed b- Just give it to us straight and cut the bullcrap, doc. We’ll she ever be cool again!? Okay, that’s more our normal speed. Oh, what’s up, guys? Check out my cool new walking sticks. So brave. What the fuck is going on with her crutches? Well, if you’ve been paying attention during second aid you’d know our health insurance blows and doesn’t cover things like crutches. Or medicine. Or injuries. And if you paid attention during
jerry-rigging camp which used to be carpentry camp until the sheriff confiscated our power tools you’d remember that we all made these crutches. Together. That’s what makes them so special. It’s cool, guys. It just means my crutches have extra personality. ~look at nikki OML-~ You may have them fooled, but not me. Nobody’s cool on crutches. Go on, Ered.
Show them you can really strut your stuff. Sure, whatever. Uhh. Uhhhh. Phew. ~ow~ ~ow~ ~ew.3~ OH, NOT AGAIN! Dear God, take me instead! ~jesus christ nikki~ Don’t worry, Ered. I still think you’re plenty cool.
[He Thanos Snapped her coolness away] OH GOD NO! AAAAA-OOOOH! Nice work, David. Do you guys smell that? Bird shit? No. If you ask me, it smells like opportunity. I don’t know, I think Neil might be right. We did just witness a bird dropped a wicked deuce on Ered. All I can smell is my own breath. ~Darth vadar breathing~ Don’t you guys get it? If Ered’s not cool anymore… “If Ered’s not cool anymore” what? Quiet, you dullard! He’s using dramatic pause! ~My extra bby OML-~ If Ered’s not cool anymore, then ANYBODY at Camp Campbell could be the coolest. He’s right. It’s a power vacuum of cool! Just like in Julius Caesar, and in this version I will play the power grabbing role of Cassius.
Everything works out great for him. No offense, but as the biggest, strongest and
most self-actualized camper I think I can make a compelling case that
I am the coolest. WITH MY FISTS! Character traits are my specialty. I myself have a +2 modifier to- Nerris, I hate to break it to you
~Max your assholeness is showing~ but you’ve got as much chance of being the coolest as Space Kid. Tied for last place!
[Absolute bby] Status Effect: Sadness. Sooo how do the rest of us figure out who the coolest camper is. I mean, you’re all just SO COOL it’s gonna be really hard to decide, but what if… you all took the afternoon to make yourselves even COOLER than you are right now! A coolest makeover.
I’m sure I could pull a few tricks out of my hat. This is obviously the best way to honor Ered’s memory. It’s what she would have wanted.
I’ll be cool for you, Ered!
~GAY~ Not if I’m cool first! Yeah! Man, that was almost too easy. It’ll be like a fashion show of idiots. Maybe for them, but I’ve got a pretty good feeling I could have a shot- ~laughter by max~ Hi, Ered. Hmm, maybe she doesn’t understand the language of the uncool. Ahem! Hail, and well met.
[Dorkish=”Hey there”] I’m a little busy right now. Doing what? Trying not to embarrass myself again. My DM says if you fail, you still get experience! Or he used to, before he said he wasn’t allowed to talk to minors anymore. Which was really confusing. I don’t know what
the coal industry has to do with any of it. Uhh! Ahh!
I can’t BELIEVE how UNCOOL I am right now. : Maybe it’s the work of dark forces. Did you drink a bad potion? Put on a curse amulet? I’m a little rusty on my buffs, but I could look int- Yeeah, I don’t think so. What I really need is to do something really REALLY cool. ~Cute noise~ I know! You could go on an epic- Please don’t say “quest”. -quest! It’s how any hero levels up their skills. We could scale the highest point of Sleepy Peak
or the darkest dungeon of Spooky Island! At the end of it, you’re sure to be fixed! You know, I think you might actually be
on to something. And then Craig said—he was the Ranger, remember? The one that spoke dragon
and had the vitamin D allergy? Maybe I skipped that part. Anyway, he said- You know, it’s cool that you wanted to come with me… I did something cool? WOAH! Totally. But you can go back if you want. I’m used to doing things solo. Me too! But usually because nobody at camp wants to go on quests with me. That’s fine. More experience points for Nerris the Cute! It doesn’t bother you that nobody here likes what you like? Sometimes, but if I just got sad about it I’d miss out on so many quests. My dad says I’ll find my party! One day. Where exactly are we going? There are rumors in my underground skater ‘zines of a SUPER secret halfpipe hidden near
the top of Sleepy Peak. What? Why would that be up there? I guess Campbell tried to get the
X-Games to come here one year but they said no, because it was TOO DANGEROUS. Which is WAAAY uncool. What are you going to do? I’m gonna find it and I’m gonna jump that halfpipe. That’ll show everyone I’m still cool! I don’t know, Ered. If there is something that big and outlandish up here,
we definitely would have seen it by now Perf! Any minute now… Hi, Max!
What’s got you looking so chipper this afternoon? Oh, let me guess: Is it the joy you get from seeing our
Camp Campbell flag? I know the little camper inside me stands at attention every time I’m near it. Normally, I would love to give you shit about your flag boner but I’m in the middle of something. So are we, actually. Have you seen Ered? : Ered? She’s long gone by now. She bolted like an hour ago. WHAT?! Jesus, keep up, guys! That’s obviously where this whole thing was heading
in the first place. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m a little busy right now. What exactly are you waiting for? Hello, non-cools! Wazzaaaap! Aaaaand worth it. I’m with Max.
This is now the most important thing happening. It’s time for someone else to have their turn in the spotlight! And nothing’s cooler than DRAMA! And sometimes Stockholm Syndrome. The hell are you supposed to be? I fashioned myself after all
the coolest Neils on the planet
~Freddie mercury lookin ass ~ The brains and wit of Neil Patrick Harris the charisma of singer and songwriter Neil Diamond and Neil deGrasse Tyson’s ability to ruin all of your favorite movies with
smug scientific observations. :Yep, you nailed it buddy! Wazzaaaaaaaaap! While the rest of these kids play dress-up I become a mature adult with emotional AND financial stability. I’ve been stock marketing all morning and I’ve had a couple of three o’clocks already today. Now even started contributing to the Roth IRA. Preston’s matching. I agreed to no suc- PRESTON. IS. MATCHING. Silence! I have elevated my act to include the beasts of the earth. Witness the ferocity and the beauty of the white tiger! And I’m a car! I just want to thank you guys for trying this hard and still fucking it up. Wait, where’s Nerris? Oh no, now we’ve got TWO missing campers! Shit, don’t say that so loud. Alright, this trainwreck is officially over.
We need to find them. With Ered on crutches, they couldn’t have gotten themselves into too much trouble. Attention, campers! I’m legally required to pre-record this emergency broadcast. Warning you to stay away from the condemned halfpipe up on Sleepy Peak Peak! Oh my gosh, Ered’s turned on the power at the old forbidden skatepark. That’s still up there?! Campbell said he was going to tear it down. Even the knock off Y-Games said it was too dangerous and they sponsor a dogfighting league. We have to go stop her! David: We’re getting closer to the sound of
Mr. Campbell’s authoritative voice. I think we’re almost there! I repeat, stay away from the condemned halfpipe and its TOTALLY SICK JUMPS that were too GNARLY for those CROOKS at the
Y-Games Committee! I’ll show them a money-laundering scheme! Ted, how long am I supposed to keep doing this? Only Ered is cool enough to go to this place
to prove herself. My baby’s still got it!
~GAY~ Umm, David, I think we found it. You think they could have made the super dangerous deathtrap more appealing to kids? [Sonic mode]: Yees! Um, Ered. I think this might be way beyond your level. It’s definitely very high. But that means it’s way cooler, right? ~OH NO OH GOD~ No, I’ve got this. If I’ve just gotten that damn
Y-Games bid we could’ve left this whole mess behind. All that money. No, I will NOT turn off the recorder, TED! Ered, Nerris, both of you come down right now, or we’ll… come up? Sick. Now everyone at camp will see me get my cool back. Look at her!
She’s suddenly terrified of her own mortality. Just like I was during my recent midlife crisis. What was I thinking?
This sports car was never going to make me happy. Ered, are you sure you wanna go through with this? Obviously not!
But I’ve tried everything else. None of it worked! Well, maybe that’s the problem. What do you mean? I mean you never used to TRY to be cool
for other people before. You were so confident, you didn’t even THINK about
other people. You were just…you! And that was cool. Soooo, you DON’T think this will make me cooler? I’m saying, you shouldn’t care about what I think. Well, well, well. Look who chickened out. Guess you aren’t worthy of your
coolest camper title after all. That’s fine. I don’t really care. What? My power. It’s not working. You guys got it all wrong, anyway. It doesn’t take a Perceptioning Check to know that
Nerris was always the coolest camper here. Thanks, Ered.
And it’s called a Perception Check. I liked your old digs better. Nikki: She noticed me!
~SHE WAS RECONSIDERED BY SENPAI~ Well, that was at least slightly more fun than usual. Except for you, Neil. What the fuck were you thinking? It’s like what Nerris said: it doesn’t matter what you guys think. I think I’m pretty cool. Ha ha. ~snort~ Nah. That mess is real lame. Okay. [Richie Branson – “Old School, New cool”-
~Nikki was gay through out this whole video ~