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Importance of Survival Skills

Elderly Loved Ones lean on each other for Survival (Until…)

Elderly Loved Ones lean on each other for Survival (Until…)


– Hi, this is Doug. – And I’m Cindy. – Welcome to Help Me Help Momma 5-Cast. Thanks for joining in today. This is a program where we
answer your caregiver questions. And today, we’ve got one from our Facebook family caregiver virtual support group. That’s a mouth full. – Yes, it is. – But, if you haven’t joined
that yet, you may want to check it out. Just click on the link below. This is a group where you
can submit a question, day or night, and there’ll
be some family caregiver, somewhere that’s walked in your shoes and can give you a tip, an
“attaboy,” “attagirl,” thumbs up, keep up the good work and
provide some good assistance. So, today, the question,
we won’t say her name, but mom has dementia,
dad has heart issues. How often do we see this? One has a mind, one has a body. – And they’re leaning… – Against, yeah, leaning
against each other. Something happens to one of
them, sometimes something happens to both of them, right away. Well, the kids had talked
to dad and tried to get him to do some sort of planning,
and he basically said no. And they had talked to him,
I guess, several times, and it didn’t work. And then the worst happened,
he had a heart attack. Fortunately, he lived. Now they’re all back home except mom. Mom declined to the point
where she had to go to a skilled care facility. So, they’re back home now. – So, mom’s in a nursing home. Dad’s at home. – So, there’s several things
we need to talk about here right quick. What about the situation with mom and what about the situation with dad? Mom’s in a nursing home. Is she private pay? You know, that’s one thing if she is paying outta pocket, they need
to see an elder law attorney as soon as possible to
protect as much as possible for the benefit of dad. Because a lotta times we
see people spend down all of their money and sometimes some of it coulda been preserved. – And if dad’s had a heart
attack, and he’s living at home, he’s likely gonna need some
sort of care, assistance, or supervision. – And he may need non-medical
care coming in, if he will allow it. Sometimes sounds like in
the past, he’s independent and wants to take care of his own affairs, and so he may or may not allow it. But sounds like they’ve
had a shot over the bow. This is a wake-up call,
so he may allow things now that he wouldn’t have allowed previously. And he may see now
sometimes realistically, hey, I’m not ten foot tall and bulletproof and if something happened
to me, who’s gonna watch, who’s gonna make sure my
wife gets the best care that she needs. So he knows probably at this point in time he needs to do more to take of himself. So, whether that’s
allowing family to come in, non-medical care, he may need
other type of care himself. All right, what about the kids? (chuckling) They’re probably stressed out, burnt out. They’ve been trying to
take care of mom and dad and been running into some resistance. Sounds like they’ve been
doing a pretty good job. – But go in and do an assessment of dad, and see what he can still do. See if he needs some help
with things since he had the heart attack. I know after mom had her heart attack, she did some physical therapy
and we did exercises with her to help her regain some of the strength. She did begin using a walker
after that and oxygen. She came home with
oxygen from the hospital. – Right. – So do an assessment
and see what dad can do and what he can’t do and where you need to provide some care,
assistance, or supervision. Decide who’s gonna do that. Is it gonna be the kids? Are you gonna use some
of the money that you would have spent on mom’s
care, now use it on paying for dad’s care at home, with
in-home non-medical care. – And it sounds like
dad’s cognitively okay, so if he can do any type of
planning that he hasn’t done, and is now willing to do,
like a power of attorney or health care documents,
or any asset protection or estate planning
documents, he just needs to see his attorney and not take time for granted anymore. Do it as quickly as possible
and probably this has been quite a wake-up call for the kids, too. And I would imagine that
every one of them would get their planning in order, too. Thanks for watching. We hope you have a great day. – And thank you for being a
caregiver for your loved one. You’re making a huge
difference in their life.

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